[Her will, already fractured, snaps into jagged pieces at his words, and she whirls around, eyes flashing in ways both human and not so. Saya promised herself that she wouldn't so this, but it will hardly be the first vow she's broken -- she's so tired of calculated risk, cause and consequence, thinking three times before she leaps.]
It's not the City, Setsuna. It's me. [She's not shouting, yet her throat is raw. Thirst or loneliness, she can't possibly name which is more desperate.]
You are the first thing I ever knew. The only place I've ever felt safe. The only other things I know about myself are what Diva and Karl tell me. [And they want her to be... theirs. Not her own. Nothing they could say will ever be as true as she needs.]
I have nothing but those walls and whatever small leash they give me, no past and no future, and anything I try to do for myself, I know that they would end it just to see me suffer. [Her eyes are blazing now, casting unnatural crimson shades on the walls.] You're the only one I can stand to be close to because they probably can't kill you, like they tried to do to Charlie. And because I'm terrified of what they'll make of me if I do the right thing and give you up.
You have... had... Sara, and Kira, and -- [She doesn't say Hatter, or bother listing anyone further, because it's not really about that. It's not the dumb engagement, or whether it was a curse, or anything like that, Saya just latched onto that because it forced her to face things which make her do this.]
[And that reality has her eyes warped now, her pupils slit like a cat. Like a demon. Like everything he deserves better than.]
And I'm glad you have them, because if I had any --
[Before she can say yet more things she'll regret, Saya's eyes dim as she wavers on her feet and pitches sideways, catching herself on the wall, remaining standing but not by much. In a strange way it makes her point too well: she can't fight anymore, and she'd much rather drown on her own than pull him under alongside.]
wow nevermind she wanted to tag this right away ;;;
It's not the City, Setsuna. It's me. [She's not shouting, yet her throat is raw. Thirst or loneliness, she can't possibly name which is more desperate.]
You are the first thing I ever knew. The only place I've ever felt safe. The only other things I know about myself are what Diva and Karl tell me. [And they want her to be... theirs. Not her own. Nothing they could say will ever be as true as she needs.]
I have nothing but those walls and whatever small leash they give me, no past and no future, and anything I try to do for myself, I know that they would end it just to see me suffer. [Her eyes are blazing now, casting unnatural crimson shades on the walls.] You're the only one I can stand to be close to because they probably can't kill you, like they tried to do to Charlie. And because I'm terrified of what they'll make of me if I do the right thing and give you up.
You have... had... Sara, and Kira, and -- [She doesn't say Hatter, or bother listing anyone further, because it's not really about that. It's not the dumb engagement, or whether it was a curse, or anything like that, Saya just latched onto that because it forced her to face things which make her do this.]
[And that reality has her eyes warped now, her pupils slit like a cat. Like a demon. Like everything he deserves better than.]
And I'm glad you have them, because if I had any --
[Before she can say yet more things she'll regret, Saya's eyes dim as she wavers on her feet and pitches sideways, catching herself on the wall, remaining standing but not by much. In a strange way it makes her point too well: she can't fight anymore, and she'd much rather drown on her own than pull him under alongside.]