PSL | voicetesting?

[franchisepirate]

What I'm doing with this, I have no idea.

Links for various muses:

™ Westley | The Princess Bride | random encounters

♥ Saya Otonashi | Blood+ | newly hatched (recycled from older musebox)

♣ Saya Otonashi | Blood+/AU-ish | hunting

♠ Cross Marian | D.Gray-Man/AU-ish | suspicious circumstances (given his recent game history)

♦ Penelope Garcia | Criminal Minds | deserted hotel

∉ Zelgadis Greywars | Slayers | nothing to swipe

∈ Zelgadis Greywars | Slayers | underground wraith fight (yes seriously)

♛ Carol Peletier | The Walking Dead | child walkers (...yep)

∅ Xellos | Slayers | PESTERING YOU ♥

Comments

[sangreine]

[That he knows what she's grappling with is somehow worse, because of course he'll offer, and she hasn't the strength to deny him. Maybe never has had it. Instead of shoving him off as she should, for both their sakes, she collapses against him, clinging. Why does everything have to be like this?]

[Doing the right thing would be the coldest possible comfort, and maybe she's just too selfish.]

You're -- such an idiot, [is what she finally says, her voice muffled in his chest. Telling him to just go away never works, because she can never bring herself to say the only thing that would work, a horrific lie that somehow feels more honorable than the truth.] They'll find a way to kill you just to break me. Or kill anyone who means anything to you. [Or they'll use me to do it, she can't manage to say. That would be, after all, the ultimate vengeance.]

I'm not worth it, Setsuna. [Part of her begs him to just take the out she's dangling, because even if it will break her anyway, at least it would be for some good. The rest of her clutches at his shirt and doesn't know how she'd ever let go.]

[failed_antichrist]

[Setsuna laughs a little as he strokes Saya's hair.]

I know I am. [Telling him to go away also wouldn't work because he's stubborn. He keeps coming back, even when Kira suggests Saya might not be the best for him. None of those words matter when she's holding onto him like this. The unspoken desperation worries him. He'd just wonder why she always wants to deny herself the things she obviously wants.]

[Oh right. The killing part. Yeah, that might have something to do with it.]

You are. [Those words he says with reverence, voice gentle. The next part he grins for.]

Besides, I don't stay dead long.

[sangreine]

[ Might have something to do with it, yes. Claiming he won't be dead for long isn't the comfort he might have thought; whether he returns or not, Saya wouldn't be the same. Even recalling his once-upon-a-time casually mentioning that he had died makes something twist inside her, despite that she heard it from his own lips, despite the way his arms are solid around her. If it happened because of her there would be no going back, not as overeager as she always is to sink into self blame. ]

[ If he could look inside her head right now, put a visual to her clumsy words, she thinks it might change his mind. He's offering comfort, and she only sees torment. And then there's the not inconsequential fact that it's taking a great deal of willpower not to tear his throat open. ]

Why? [ is all she manages to say, squeezing her flaring eyes closed and biting the inside of her cheek to keep everything else inside. Whichever part he assumes she's asking about will suffice, but she's specifically wondering if it's because Setsuna still sees her as the helpless hatching who needed him so desperately -- but then, given how she's close to raking open his shirt with her grip, perhaps she hasn't changed so much as she wants to believe. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[If he still mistakenly sees her the hatchling he first met, that's part because he likes having someone to care for. The other part is first impressions. He can move with the changes, though.]

Because the thought of being away from you hurts. Because I can't just leave you. Not like this.

Because I care. [And there is no why for that, he just does.]

[sangreine]

[ They've been over how stupid that makes him, so she won't belabor the point, but refuses to concede it. Just as loving him as she does won't make any difference in the end, neither will his stubborn determination to stick by her. ]

[ She does consider, just for a moment, confessing some awful truths: her memories of senseless, freefalling slaughter, about what happened with Karl, twice over, and once without even the excuse of a curse. It would be cruel, but that's the point. It would hurt him; that's also the point.
She can't manage it. Such a coward. ]

It won't last. It never does. [ Just -- that warning, her voice barely a whisper as though speaking the words makes it any more true. In the end he'll be gone, or he'll hate her, or she'll sleep for decades and wake with only a pleasant void where his memory should be. It always happens that way. ]

[ She takes a breath, as if to say more, but her hunger crashes through her, eyes blaring red, and she frees a hand to cover her mouth. Some part of her knows he's about to offer his blood to her anyway, and she tries hard to remember how sickening that should feel.

[failed_antichrist]

[He's so accustomed to being called stupid at this point, it wouldn't do any good to repeat, or say it once, or say it differently. He barely registers the fact any longer, and definitely doesn't care.]

[Cruelty gives him pause, would be effective, for a short time. But it never lasts.]

[There's a soft laugh.]

Nothing lasts, Saya. That's why you gotta enjoy it when you get the chance. That's why I live the way I do. Why I'm gonna stick by you, as long as you let me.

[sangreine]

[ Nothing lasts sends her thoughts straight to Haji, her Haji, the shade of him she cut down while his true self flashed in her mind. That brief glimpse held more meaning than the whole of her memories since waking in the City, and if she weren't busy trying not to rent Setsuna's neck open she might have said so just to prove him wrong, a tinge of that cruelty that's still flitting around her head. Some things do last -- but not the two of them. ]

[ And if what he says is true, then she should do as she likes. If either of them are left wanting in the end, as they assuredly will, it's not her that's making it inevitable. ]

[ This is where she should ask, her voice weak and pitiful, for permission to drink his blood, the bare minimum of proper behavior. Whether past caring or taking his words as implicit permission, she doesn't bother, just releases his shirt to grab a handful of his hair to bear his throat while her glowing red eyes bore into his, looking directly at him for once. He'll have half a moment to stop her, but short of a dramatic intervention she simply takes what she needs, fangs first, entirely lacking the hesitation she'd shown in the past. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[Nothing lasts, even the things he wishes would. Or the things he wants to make last forever. So instead of worrying about it, he tries to forget about that part. It never occurs to him what his own cruelty is. How his lack of consideration can affect others. Even now, as he's improved and tries to think first, he still lets his mouth do more damage than he could ever make up for, and more than he could ever physically inflict.]

[As far as Setsuna's concerned, his earlier words were a blanket permission. He's too simple to worry about much else. Setsuna tilts his head, giving his neck willingly to Saya.]

[He does notice the difference, not despite being unobservant, but because he observes everything Saya does, and is well aware of how her feeding usually feels. This is hurried, desperate, and Setsuna attributes that to how hungry she must be. It pangs him to think of how long she must have gone without a meal.]

Saya...I'm so sorry.

[sangreine]

[ His apology bothers her, his obedience bothers her, so much that she's forced to question her insistence upon being bothered. It's easier, certainly, but not what she wants (isn't it?). Setsuna isn't Haji (for what very little she knows of him), isn't like anyone else within her shallow memory, and there's a reason she keeps drifting towards him despite the riptide that should yank her away. At some point it's more than the current forcing her hand. ]

[ It doesn't help that drinking his blood is -- soothing. Easy, in all the ways it shouldn't be. Saya tries to remember that it's not just her, that Setsuna has a way that should draw in broken things like herself, but somewhere between gulping down his blood and shuddering against him the thought escapes her. ]

[ He's correct that this isn't like her other feedings, and when she's done there's a void where shame or avarice should be, her mind filling the space with the only thing left: gratitude. So easy, in these weak moments, to remember why she loves him, to believe that, against every better piece of her, that those feelings could be enough, to expand her delusional little bubble one more moment, one more day. She pulls her mouth away before the punctures close, using the blood dripping down his shoulder, the few tears she allows herself mingling in the blood trails, hoping he won't notice. ]

Don't apologize, [ she finally says, still against him, voice steady and eyes already drying. ] I can't tell you to go away properly when you're being so -- Setsuna. [ She smiles a little, at last, dryly. Damn persistent angel. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[He isn't the type to be obedient, ever the rebel, but it's different when it comes to those he loves, the ones he respects. He also likes to care for people, protect them. He feels he has failed Saya there, more than once already. ]

I'm apologizing because I should've found you sooner.

[It's that simple to him. It's his fault if he didn't get there in time. Maybe she wouldn't already be this hungry if he had found her earlier.]

Why...why do you want to tell me to go away? [A little more firmly.] I'm not gonna. You know that, right?

[sangreine]

[ Saya pulls back to look at him, her eyes human-seeming once again. Whether it's stubbornness or a fool's hope, he hasn't, or won't, heard the reasons she offered, and there's only so many hearts she has to pour out. She's told him they will end badly, and he won't accept it, and it's terribly endearing. She was never built to be as alone as she deserves. ]

[ It's wrong of her to want someone beside her as her life goes down in flames, yet she does. ]

[ Reaching out, she brushes his hair behind his ear, a gesture they've traded since he found her at the Zoo. ] I know. But I don't want to keep hurting you, [ or myself ] and I think that's all I can ever do. [ So just -- remember, when it all goes bad, that she tried. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[To him, all of Sara's reasoning doesn't change any of it. He's a fool. Even now, Setsuna still believes they might change things, or be able to overcome reality. He's too used to that working.]

[And Setsuna thinks exactly the opposite, that it's only natural to want someone beside her, that it's right. That him being by her is right.]

[His lips curl up at the feel of her fingers, and he reaches over to do the same in return.]

But people always hurt each other, even unintentionally. That's part of having relationships. It's not about not hurting people. It's about how to deal with it, and making up for it after.

[sangreine]

[ That is a truly ridiculous argument when dealing with an immortal Chiropteran Queen and her unending blood war, Setsuna. Even for you. But because it's him, because of all he means to her, because when he touches her like that it dredges up the few precious memories which don't horrify her, and a little because she knows it will do no good whatsoever to argue, she won't. Not this time. ]

[ Her head tips toward him, not quite at her behest, her forehead resting lightly against his. Knowing this is a terrible idea isn't, evidently, enough to tame her pitiful, selfish desire to keep him close. ]

Then, I guess I'll let you make it up to me. [ It's intended almost as a joke, truly it should be the reverse, but it'll just set off his righteous selflessness again, and he's said enough for her to justify herself. A dangerous habit he has, that. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[Setsuna can be very stubborn, exhaustively so. To the point he will argue endlessly with an immortal Chiropteran Queen, with all the danger she can bring to him.]

[Gently, he rubs his forehead against Saya's, eyes closed for a second, before he brightly smiles.]

I'll make it up to you. Whatever you need. [His tone is soft and amused, but there's still sincerity to his words.]

Did you get enough blood?

[sangreine]

[ Another foolish thing to say, not only because she could take such advantage of that in the wrong frame of mind, but because it reminds her of another time where she drank from him, all too willingly: You can have all my blood. I'm completely yours and yours alone right now., he'd said, and she'd wanted nothing more than for that to be true. Some part of her still wants that, even if it could never be. ]

I don't need blood, [ she says, her voice finally softening. If he wanted her to open to whatever he's offering, mission accomplished. They'll both regret it in the end. But she's no longer going to fight him; she fights too often, too long, to exhaustion and beyond, and she hates it. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[Even if there were outstanding situations that slipped in and out of their attempt at some sort of relationship, Setsuna certainly meant those words when he said them, felt them to his heart.]

What do you need? [He just never thinks before he speaks. Lives too much in the moment to think about how his past with Sara might affect Saya.]

Whatever it is. It's yours.

[sangreine]

[ It's not Sara (well, it is, but not in the way he might suppose); as she said, it's her. Her twisted life, her blood war, her sick but undeniable bond with Diva and her henchmen. Her darkness, which would all too gladly devour his light. ]

[ She doesn't care right now, even a little. ]

You're going to make me ask? [ She looks up at him, wide open for once, everything she feels for him shining in her eyes. C'mon Setsuna, even you aren't this naïve. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[And Setsuna never considers any of that, nor does he care. He knows about most of those things, but it's changed nothing. Not the way he feels about her, or how he sees Saya.]

[He is pretty naive, but in this case, he's hoping what she wants is what he wants right then.]

I'm not gonna make you do anything. [He leans in close to press his lips to Saya's.]

[sangreine]

[ Only Setsuna could do this, she thinks in the split second before he kisses her, get her from screaming furious to supple and sweet in a mere few moments. Whether his incomprehensible acceptance of the less than gentile sides of her or his self-appointed status as her protector, or simply her wanting somewhere to belong -- once his lips touch hers, the reasons no longer matter. She may not need him in the way she wishes she could, but she wants to, and that has to mean something. ]

[ She's never been able to hide from him, not for long, so she kisses back the same way she always is with him -- with all of herself, all her tumbling feelings, all the raw power that she knows he can handle. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[His only intention had been to make sure she was okay, to make sure she was fed. Even he could never say how things get turned around this way, he just knows there's relief in Saya's warm lips.]

[He meets her passion with his own, slipping in his tongue while his hands run down her back, smoothing out her clothes, but there's an implication he wishes to start removing them.]

[sangreine]

[ His motions with her clothes are -- surprising, but not even slightly in a negative sense. Just, she's usually the one to push and press. She wonders what could have changed... ]

[ But, it's not important. (In fact, she's struggling to remember what was so important, and that's the trouble with the two of them.) She whispers his name against his mouth, half question and half plea -- she doesn't seek an answer in words, but this being Setsuna she might receive one nonetheless, and whatever it is she wants, for once, to hear it. ]

[failed_antichrist]

[There were complications, before. Before he wanted to make sure Saya wanted him. Before that, there was Sara and Setsuna's grief over losing her. Now, it's just him and Saya. No complications. At least, not for him.]

Want you. [Is about all he manages to breathe out.]

[sangreine]

[ Hearing that, she gasps hard enough to break the kiss, a sharp twinge shooting through her; god, she actually feels weak in the knees. That's the first time he's ever been the one seeking her, and it's all she's wanted since she woke. ]

I'm yours, [ is all she says, and she dives headlong into that kiss with everything she's been trying to keep back from him, desire and raw need which she'd never felt safe enough to show him. And she means it; whatever he wants, here in this corridor or in one of these rooms or anywhere in between. (In the City too, if he likes, but she doesn't dare hope for that.) ]

[failed_antichrist]

And I'm yours.

[He whispers the words out as he starts to remove more of Saya's clothes while his lips take from her, curiously, eagerly. Setsuna is willing, here, there, in the City, wherever Saya wishes to be.]